Good-Bye
by AndyHood
Summary: My take on what was going through Jim's and Spock's head during their emotional good-bye.


"The door's there to stop us from getting irradiated! We'd be dead before making the climb!" yelled Scotty.

Kirk paused for only a split second. We'd be dead, we'd be dead he had said. Even though Kirk had pushed Scotty away, had ignored his advice. The man was still willing to go to certain death with his Captain. But he was not going to allow Scotty to make the climb to the core. This was his mess and he was going to fix it, no matter what.

"You're not making the climb" he said quietly before turning swiftly and punching Scotty in the nose, stunning the engineer. Jim made sure to lower his trusted friend to the seat and make sure that he was secure. The ship was still falling uncontrollable and Jim could not afford to waste a single second, for each second caused them to come closer and closer into crashing on Earth.

Jim opened the safety door and then the door to the reactor. Jim's body immediately started to feel strange as he crawled through the tunnel. His breathing began to become labored. Yet he did not slow down as he crawled to the heart of the ship.

The alignment was obvious as he entered the chamber and looked up at the base. The climb would have been easy if the room was not full of radiation. But to Jim, it felt like he was climbing up a mountain. His muscles trembled as he slowly pulled himself up. Slowly but surely he climbed to the top, where the core struggled to connect.

Jim reached up and grabbed two handholds. Pulling himself up he kicked at the core, but his strength wasn't what it used to be. He forced himself to kick it again and again. Until finally the core realigned, and the shock wave pushed Jim through the air to land quite painfully on the floor of the core room.

The twisting and falling of the ship seemed to level off. Jim hoped that he had been quick enough to save the ship, to save his family. His sacrifice would be worth it, if he managed to save at least one life in the process. It was his fault that his crew and his ship was in this predicament. If he had only listened to his crew when they warned him not to undertake this mission.

But he had been too focused on his sense of revenge, and because of that he might have condemned his whole crew to the wrath of a mad man.

A part of Jim wanted to just lay there and stop fighting. But he had to know what had become of everyone. Jim used what was left of his strength to crawl his way back to the door.

His insides were burning as he reached up and closed the door to the room. Jim struggled to breath,

"How's our ship?" he asked. He needed to now that the ship was alright. The ship was the only thing stopping the cold dark of space from killing his crew, his family.

"Out of danger, you saved the crew" said Spock kneeling down until he was eye level with Jim.

Jim relaxed at the news, his sacrifice was worth it in the end. It did not matter that he had only minutes to live.

"He used what he wanted against us. It was a nice move" admitted Jim, thinking of the move Khan had pulled. The man might have been a lunatic, but Jim had to respect his genius.

"It is what you would have done" said Spock. Under all the time Spock had served under Jim, he had seen the human make reckless decisions based on his emotions. But he always had the crew on his mind, when one was in danger. James T. Kirk would try his hardest to make sure that he got them back safely.

Jim managed to focus on Spock's face. "This, this is what you would have done, it is only logical" joked Jim, trying to deflect some of the situation with his custom humor. But a sudden chill began to creep down his limbs and the natural feeling of fear of death began to creep up on him. He looked up at the alien he considered one of his greatest friends.

"I'm scared Spock" whispered Jim, as his body froze and burned at the same time. "Help me not be… How do you choose not to feel?" he pleaded. Spock's jaw clenched as he swallowed thickly. Tears started to gather in his eyes as he gazed down at Jim. The fear was plain on the usually fearless man's face. Even the light that was a constant in Jim's eyes was slowly beginning to dim.

"I do not know" whispered Spock, his voice full of fear. "Right now I'm failing."

Jim felt bad for his friend. This was worse than when Spock's Mother and planet was killed. Then he showed his rage, now he showed the deepest of sorrows. A piece of Jim finally understood why the Vulcans tried to purge all emotions. They felt things to deeply for a human to understand.

"I want you to know why I couldn't let you die… why I went back for you…" coughed Jim. Needing to say the words at least once to Spock.

"Because you are my friend" finished Spock, tears falling down his face. He had tried to deny feeling's for his whole life. Yet in the short time he had known this man, he had managed to feel the whole range of emotions. Joy, fear, exasperation, hope, and even love. He realized in this moment that the love he had felt for his Mother and his Father was the same he felt for Jim. It was different from the love he felt for Uhura. And like his Mother he was about to watch someone he love die right before his very eyes.

Jim smiled a little, he should have known that Spock with all his logic would understand what Jim was trying to say without having to say it.

Jim knew that he didn't have much time left. He looked where Spock's hands rested against the glass. With what little strength he had left he forced his hands onto the glass. Slowly he moved his fingers to form the salute Spock used as his good-bye. Live long and prosper. Jim wished with all his heart that Spock lived long after this day. He prayed that Spock would not seek revenge after his death, because that was not who they were. And Jim was ashamed to say that he had lost sight of that after Pike's death, the man closest to what he ever had as a Father. For once, Jim hoped that the cool logic of the Vulcan would shine through the emotions Spock was feeling

Jim looked at Spock as his world began to grow dark. It was getting harder and harder to breath as his lungs began to fail.

There was so much he wanted to say, but lacked the strength to do so. His life was slipping through his fingers like water. He kept his focus on Spock mentally saying all that he wished. Good-bye my advisor, my friend, my brother, Jim thought in his head as he locked eyes with Spock, hoping that the Vulcan would understand what he was trying to say.

Jim took one last breath and let go, knowing that his crew and his ship would be alright in the end.


End file.
